Quick (crazy) update

2 court appearances this week.  1st one was continued and the 2nd brought to light that DSS has done absolutely NOTHING they were supposed to do for the past FIVE months.  Two very important things they were supposed to do in MAY were just done TWO WEEKS AGO.  She's "stuck in the system" and the judge seemed to realize this.  Trial was ordered for this coming Thursday....hopefully she will be taken out of foster care and placed with her family (not parents).  That would be the best for her.  All depends on the judge and if they decide to override all of the red tape/paperwork that should have been done months ago.  SHAME on them....all at the expense of this little girl.  It's been very interesting seeing things from this prospective.  You hear about things like this but now I can put a face on it (hers) and it makes me so angry.  She shouldn't be with us....not with her parents either....but with family who are competent to care and love her.  It sounds weird to say that I hope she leaves next week...but it would be best for her and we know that.
Oh, also found out we were her FOURTH home in 5 mos (with us for 2 now).  Nice, right?...sigh.

No news really IS good news...kinda

So we are supposed to have a monthly visit from DSS and baby girl's guardian ad litem (a volunteer that acts as her advocate...what's best for the child...in court).  Have we heard from them?   Nah..that would be way too predictable and timely.   Two weeks late for last month's visit.  No news..no updates. ..
Instead we get a call from DSS today asking if we have received any court notice in the mail.  Nope.  Haven't.   Wait...should we have? ? 
Dad filed a motion.  Court on Monday afternoon.   Future is uncertain but it's likely she will stay with us.  Depends on judge 100%. 
On top of that. ..mom and dad are both coming for back to back visits monday before court.   They supposedly hate each other. ..lovely.   Monday night/Tuesday morning will stink.  I can promise a confused,  angry little girl who misses those "people".....and who will be kicking and screaming to showcase her will to be with them.
I'm going to court so I can get a better idea on what's happening.  It's suggested and I am very curious.   I'm a little nervous although they won't know who I am or talk to me. 

The little big things....

The past 6 weeks have been some of the hardest I’ve ever had…..  she’s amazing, this little girl with chubby cheeks, good manners, a high level of intelligence, and a tendency to throw some of the biggest tantrums I have ever seen.  Adjusting to her has not been easy.  We knew it would be “different” and “throw off our dynamic” but I don’t think we expected it to be quite this draining.

Imagine having a strange 2 yr old dropped off at your home and not knowing when she will leave.  Even though we were somewhat prepared…it didn’t change the fact that we weren’t really prepared.  There’s something uncomfortable about hugging a stranger, changing a strange child’s diaper, finding the right place in your home for them.  It’s hard – you don’t instantly love them; despite wanting to so badly.  These are the challenges.  Not resenting her for screaming her little brains out first thing in the morning, sometimes at night, and then randomly when all you asked her to do was to put a shoe on.  She can scream for an hour – and she has.  It’s hard parenting a child that is naïve to your parenting “ways” – it’s like trying to get a newborn to sleep through the night.  We practice a touch of tough love because we know it’s in her best interest.

Things have gotten better.  Her and baby Luke did NOT get along for 5 of the 6 weeks.  It was a constant battle between them – constant.  Now they run around like maniacs together and push each other in the baby doll stroller.  They still have it out from time to time…but it’s better.  Caitlin, bless her heart, has taking this little one under her wing and into her bedroom.  She talks to her before they go to sleep, sometimes helps her get comfortable, and has even been known to pull her out of the crib so she can go potty.  She’s not crying as much.  I think she is adjusting; knowing we won’t come running every time she throws a massive, knock-down, drag out, kick the wall fit.  We know when she needs a hugs vice when she needs to be left alone to get it together.

It’s been hard on me.  A lot of adjustments.  A lot of questioning if this is the right path.  I know we are doing God’s work – she is supposed to be with us (for now).  We are helping her heal and cross over to her real family who supposedly wants her forever.  I pray that’s true.  I pray that they are ready for this little one and will raise her like the princess she deserves to be.  Part of me wonders if she will remember us when she leaves – or if she will just move on.  Most of me hopes she doesn’t – I hope that she forgets why she was taken from her Mom and Dad and forgets that there were 2 families that fostered her before us (1 mo each).  I hope she forgets this transitional time with us and grows into a God-fearing young woman who kicks ass and is super successful.

She will probably be with us for another 5+ months.  As crazy as this has been – we are making the right choice.  She needs us.  She prays now at dinner and asks to pray at bedtime.  We pray for her family and for her.  The little things (or not so little?) like that make it worth the struggles.  

“Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more.”  Luke 12:48

.

She breaks my heart.  Screaming; no wailing at night. ..at bedtime, at nap, at 4a.m....sometimes noticeably in her sleep while others just wanting to be heard.  We can't shut the door....that's a trigger of complete panic. ...can't help but wonder why.  It's awful...hard to take...hard to live and hard to not react wrongfully. ...she's ours for now and she is safe...hopefully she will understand that soon.  Pray for her :)

Dealing

We got the call about 2 1/2 weeks ago and we've been in a bit of a tailspin since then.  2+ months in care and we would be her THIRD foster home.  Labeled "clingy"...enter a polite, shy, and very intelligent 2 1/2 yr old girl.  She has 2 sets of grand parents working thru the process to get her.   If they lived in SC it would be easy but since they dont and seeing as how our govt likes to create mounds of regulations and paperwork. .it will likely be 6 mos until they place her permanently.   It's a shame since she is at such an important age for making bonds and memories.   She's had one visit with them...for 1 hr supervised in the dss office.  Imagine driving to visit someone you love dearly (I hope) and never harmed to have your reubion be treated like a prison visit. 

Baby 1...almost

We got the call.  Yesterday around 3, DSS called us and said "Are you ready?  We have your first placement....a 7 mo old little girl."  "okay" I said ("HOLY CRAP" I thought).  "She's African American, is that okay?"  This one caught me off guard.  I guess people say "Nah, was hoping for a white baby to take care of." Strange.  "Yes, that's fine" I said.  
DSS said she will need to be dropped off that afternoon.  Yikes.  Panic quickly ensued....well, not really....I was driving 3 kids to the dentist so panic had been ongoing since I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pin Luke down in the chair while discussing the oral hygiene of all 3 children with a dental assistant..in heels.  I quickly got myself together and then again quickly freaked out when I realized my long, tediously typed and well thought out list of questions to ask would not support a conversation being made on a dangerous highway.  I remembered a few questions "Can you tell me the history of the child", "Can you tell me if there are any known medical issues", "Are there any siblings / where are they?", "Why was the child taken from the home", etc...  I tried my best to jot down the answers with a sharpie on the back of a receipt (note:  clean out purse) that I had in my reach.  I told the social worker I would call back after speaking with Danny.  I filled Danny in on the background - it was a unique situation but the baby was healthy and happy from what we understood.  No idea how long the child would be with us.  (You have to assume a long stay - which is why the questions are vital.)
After a few back and forth texts (in between checking kids in, prying them off of the video games in the office, and playing musical chairs with the dental chairs), we decided it was a go.  I mean...why wouldn't it be?  We signed up for this.  More freaking out - needed to secure clothes and reminded myself that we probably wouldn't want to have any of baby girl's belongings in the house and that she will need a bath ASAP (just because you never know where they were and what the conditions were like).  What size diaper does a 7 mo old wear?  What formula do we get?  Where will she go to daycare?  How do I make that happen?  Called DSS back and left a message saying we were ready and asked about formula, daycare, and belongings.  We waited and imagined every single circumstance possible with baby girl - it's kind of impossible not to.
De ja vous.... radio silence.  We heard nothing from them for 2+ hrs.  Then, they call back at 6PM to let us know the courts had reconsidered and determined the home was safe for baby girl.  The story was kind of a strange one but overall it sounded like it was going to be a safe place for baby girl.  Was a good drill for us.  A little more numb to the whole situation and a lot more prepared.  
As an aside:  the kids were stoked about everything.  Arguing over whose room the baby should sleep in.  Love those kiddies.  
More to come....

My oh My....

We are licensed!  Eeeekkk!  Just called to check in & found out we were licensed on 6/24.  Game on.

Jeez.....

"Hello:

I just got a response from the state licensing office.  I have your  W-2’s for 2013, but they are requesting recent check stubs.  Can you please forward me three months of recent check stubs.  Usually this is the final request from the state office before you are licensed."

We already gave pay stubs....twice.  Ehh....I forwarded her the emails that she should have already had in her inbox.....yawn.

June 12.....and counting

"Your license is still in pending  status. I sent an inquiry in reference to the status and have not gotten a response. If I don’t get a response by Monday I will call them."

update

DSS lost another form.  Shocker.  Resent.  
Her reply:

" Yes,, your packet has been submitted to the state office. The response from the state office is taking longer than usual.  I will keep you informed."

Show me the $ (seriously...where is the $?)

People often wonder (and ask) how much foster parents get paid.  You hear about these people that foster as a "living" and take on more and more kids to make more and more money.  Let me be the first to tell you:  these people suck.  these people are poor (morally and financially).
South Carolina is amazing - we won't ever leave...BUT we are one of the lowest funded in terms or reimbursing foster parents.  So the monthly board payment varies based on the age of the child and medical circumstances.  The child (note: not really us) will get roughly $330 a month....this is to pay for food, clothing, any supplies (diapers, formula, etc.).  The "Minimum Adequate Rates" is 73% higher.  The child is also considered a "family of 1" by the state - making them eligible (based on having NO income) for fun stuff like Medicaid, WIC (food stamps...**note:  learned pretty quickly not to judge the people in line that seem like they have $ but are still using food stamps....you just never know why they have them**), and the ABC (daycare) program.  We will end up paying a little out of pocket for daycare because the amount doesn't fully cover the providers in our area.  Overall, we will probably break even or be shelling out a little money to cover everything....that said, we are hoping our pay off will be in other forms - like seeing a child that doesn't know "normal" thrive with us, seeing parents of these kiddos get their lives together and do the right thing by their children, and like knowing the will of God and taking care of the least of them.
Nothing new from DSS yet.    

Another day...another form

Got another email from the DSS licensing lady.  This may come as a shock but she needed one more thing on a form.  She did say 
"Thank you for diligently working with me to complete this process. We are waiting for the state office to view the completed packet and make the final decision.  The state licensing office may have additional questions, until then,   I will keep you informed."  
Sounds like our application finally made its way to Columbia...but I'm not so sure I believe it.

Strange

Wow so that lady at DSS must've gotten into a lot of trouble or something! Since yesterday, I have heard from her twice today. I usually hear from her about every 6 weeks for some random form. I had most of the things she had asked for together so I emailed everything over - including the form where I had to put the new date. Then this evening, I get an email from her asking me to update this other form and send back asap.  Really lady??! ASAP???  I'm pretty sure that when somebody drags their feet for months they're not allowed to say ASAP. I will send over in the morning.  We can't help but be curious as to if they are trying to fast track us now.  Guess time will tell.

Ridiculous

DSS contacted me today.  As soon as I saw the email, my heart skipped a beat.  Well.....apparently I am the only one who is anxious.  THEY STILL HAVEN'T SUBMITTED our package.  In fact, she wanted me to "update" our application with today's date.  Makes sense given the fact that we applied on AUGUST 2, 2013 (and that was after already submitting a ton of stuff).  No WONDER they have such a shortage of families...this is enough to make people want to drag their feet or just say 'screw it'.....  Guessing someone lit a fire under her since we were mentioned by name yesterday.
onward march.  bleh.  6 more weeks she said......riiiiiight.

Say what?

A friend from church who does foster care and is my "go to" for questions about it sent me a text yesterday afternoon.  Her:  "have you heard anything"  Me:  "not a peep"  Her:  "Can i call you?"  Me:  "sure"......i put the phone down wondering what she wanted to chat about.  She called a few minutes later and we exchanged pleasantries for a couple minutes.  Then she told me that DSS had called her regarding 2 three yr olds and a 1 yr old.  The 3 yr olds are being placed in a new foster home because DSS had to "close" the other one.....that CAN'T be good; right?!  The 1 yr old is a new placement (she thinks).  DSS can't find a home for the 1 yr old so they called my friend.  Now, my friend has 5 children (3 bio and 2 long term fosters pending adoption).  They are an amazing family, which is probably why DSS approached them.  They typically only take in older children (not babies/toddlers) but were making an exception.  "How nice" I thought.....then, she told me she dropped our name to the case worker.  Telling them how we are looking to foster that age range and that she wasn't sure where we were in the process.  FREAK OUT A RAMA.
I guess a good way to explain my freak out is similar to a woman who is pregnant...you're ready to get things moving and have the baby but then when it's "go time" you freak out a little but there's really no going back.  We have waited so long that even a potential placement and/or a long shot (since we aren't really licensed) is a BIG DEAL.
Timing would be totally typical for our fam....Brady just broke his arm, kids are about to finish school, work is heating up, and Danny may have to travel next week.  That's just kinda how we roll around here.
Okay, so I am packing a ton of things up for my friend - pack n' play, booster seat, etc....cleaning the dirty car seat from my attic off with the vacuum when i realize i had a missed call....from DSS.  FREAK OUT x2.  No voice mail.  Interesting.  Now I can't help but wonder WHAT they wanted and i really don't think it was a coincidence since she mentioned us by name.
When I brought the supplies to her house, she mentioned that she plans to keep the 1 yr old (who I now find out is 14 mos old and HUGE...that's ALL i know and probably all you will ever be able to know) until a perm placement is found.  She thinks it will be us.  Crazy.  Scary.  Exactly what we signed up for.
I've been praying hard for this little guy.  You can't help but think that someone must have done something pretty awful to have a child taken from them.  At least he's big....that says he was fed.  (sad to even think about that)  I've also been praying for our family, that whatever the plan is goes smoothly.  It won't but we will make it work and laugh about it at the end of the day. (see above:  that's how we roll)  :)
So, who knows....will we get a temp license?  Have they even submitted our paperwork?  Was our application still at the bottom of a pile here locally?  Did they just dial a wrong number?  Is this guy a long term placement or will he be going back to his family soon?  What's the story behind it?  Will the kids adapt easily?  Will Danny and I?  Will our friends and family?  Thy will be done.
I'd say "here we go"....but who knows at this point.  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  Nervous and excited over here!

Slow motion

Quick update on the not-so-quick turn around of our application:
Just spoke with the woman who is processing our application at DSS.  It seems the woman who did the home study is taking her sweet time on completing the write up.  She's "supposed to drop it by the DSS office sometime this week."
Appears the Columbia office that actually does the licensing is also running behind (shocker).  Initially, we were told about 4 weeks.  Today, I was told 8.  Looks like June now.  It's seriously like watching America's Funniest Home Videos  on tv...where they put the scene in slow motion and you just KNOW the Dad is going to get a total crotch shot with the kids baseball but they drrrrag it out....  (hmm maybe it's not exactly like that but you know what i mean...i hope)
Honestly, I "get" why they have this process and I "get" why they need all of this paperwork - well, not really...a lot can/should be done online and a credit report would resolve 99% of the financial info they require...but I digress.  I know we are dealing with children and not puppies....I know it's a process.  But June will be about 10 mos since we started this process.  We are told countless times how many kids need homes NOW and how some children are even put in group homes with teens because there's nowhere else for them to go...you'd think they'd try to streamline this a little.  Although...come to think of it..we are dealing with the government....so if it's broken, we probably need more documentation and procedures...oh and more people.

Off soapbox.  There's your update folks.  ;)

Silence

Not a peep since the home study....Nada.  Thought for sure we would be hounded for the last form or document.  Nope.  Silence.  Turned in the last financial form last week.  Since then we have been anxiously and nervously awaiting a response or any type of action.  Praying for the children that will come into our care in the future.  I can't imagine a circumstance where my kids would have to be taken from me....makes me sick that children out there don't know what they are missing and deserve (love, food!, kindness, cleanliness, comfort, routine, encouragement, etc.). So nervous for that first call....to be thrown to the sharks and learn to swim.  As hard as that will be, it's likely been harder for the child we will open our home to.  Unbelievable. 

The waterboarding is over

Overall, it wasn't as bad as we had thought it would be.  The woman came on Sunday evening and then again last night, Tuesday.  Sunday's session was the longest - a lot of interview type questions such as best and worst qualities, etc.  Also plenty of questions about how we were raised and whatnot.  Tuesday's session was only about an hour long and was actually the most helpful.  The woman doing the home study is a contractor for DSS, though she used to be a caseworker there.  This gives us the advantage of hearing the REAL deal instead of things DSS workers have to tell us.  We got more nuts and bolts out of Tuesday's session than through the 2 day training sessions we were required to take.
I think we may have asked her more questions than she asked us.  One thing we asked was what situation these children are typically taken from and why - the answer, neglect.  "Neglect" to me is such a vague term so I asked for an example.  She quickly told me there are a lot of things I probably don't want to know but provided the example when she had a case of a 4 yr old and an 18 month old being left alone for 10 days in an apartment while the mother went to Vegas.  (cue: tears)  So sad.  So crappy.  My heart cries for these kids and others with stories that you can't even make up because it is just so unnatural to "normal" moms and dads.  
We also got the "down and dirty"....literally.  We now have a grocery list that includes bottles of RID (lice shampoo)....lovely.  Also were told that we should bring the child's belongings (if they ever have ANY...again, sad) straight upstairs to the washer and wash on high temperature immediately to kill any potential insects. She said they (the caseworkers) go into homes where these kids live and then immediately to a hotel that they have an arrangement with so they can shower and change clothes before heading home.  She said the caseworkers have "go" bags of clothes in their trunk that they bring along on cases so they can just throw their other clothes away....I mean, you can't even wash (or don't want to even try) to wash away the filth.  
She gave us some questions to ask in the middle of the night (or anytime really) when we get a call for a placement.  Note:  if you take a placement (you can say "no") then that child will likely be with you for the long haul (1-2 yrs) unless the parents get their stuff together before that....(they usually do not).  She told us to ask about medical issues including allergies and any medication.  She told us to ask for detailed information about why the child was removed.  We are to ask if there are siblings and where they are being placed.  If there are family members being considered as caregivers.  So many other questions....(left my list at home)
She also said that we should look around the child's room frequently to see if they are hoarding food.  This is common in neglect cases...they don't know where their next meal is coming from.  Main reason to search is so we can throw away anything that is perishable while preserving their comfort in knowing they have food available.  (sad)  With children that were neglected, you also get kids who either don't eat much or overeat to the point of making themselves sick.  The kids who don't eat much do so because their bodies have shut down that part of their system (digestive) since it was rarely in use.  (think: stomach shrinking to the size of a newborn and getting full quickly)  Other children eat and eat because they are used to eating as much as they can in one sitting - not knowing if there will ever be more.  (sad)
It was a good meeting.  A reality check in some respects and sickening in others.  We did find out we need to complete one more form (shocker) and send them a copy of one more document.  The home study lady should have our report completed by Friday - after that, if all of our paperwork is completed the local DSS office will review and send to Columbia for processing.  Columbia is where our license will be issued - in approx 4-6 weeks.
Oh, fun fact (said in jest)....the local DSS office has a computer system that is synced with Columbia that will show if you are licensed or not.  This means we could get a call for a placement prior to knowing we are actually licensed.  She said early May-ish will be go time....which, based on what we have learned about DSS likely means next weekend.  ;)  (joking!) 
Another thing to note is that we have to sign a confidentiality agreement with DSS for each child placed with us.  This means no pictures (of faces) to post and no details about the child's past.  
The kids are still stoked about it - B says he only wants a boy and Caitlin, of course wants a girl to stay with us.  They are both so good with kids.  I think Luke will be fine with anyone but will probably be a little jealous at first.  He's getting to the age where everything is "mine mine mine!" so sharing will be instrumental.  
I know this road isn't for everyone and a lot of people would be scared away by the heart break and the scenarios we will be facing.  Honestly, after last night...I think our resolve has strengthened.  It's so blatantly obvious that these kids need someone to provide them safety and love.  We aren't perfect parents, we don't think we are saving the world, we don't think this will be easy, we know this is going to be rough, but we also know it's in God's hands and that we are doing the right thing.  Please pray for us - we need encouragement and support more than ever.  :)  


From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. - Luke 12:48

So....two hours huh?

Just got a call from a weird number...I don't answer those often and today was no exception.  Checked my voicemail and it was a woman from DSS named April who was calling to do our home visit.  "Okay" I thought, "no problem"..our DSS worker had told us this was kind of a technicality and I didn't think much of it.... Until I called her back.... April is a very bubbly woman who had a lot to say. I got the short story about her entire family life in the first 2 minutes. After finding out that she works mainly at night doing home visits for DSS , she told me she'd like to go ahead and schedule the first of TWO visits.  We scheduled for Sunday afternoon.
Before we hung up, I quickly asked her if she could give me an idea of what the visit would entail. That's when she told me!
I have always heard people talk about "home studies" for adoption, and it's always seemed very complicated and deep.  Turns out this is the same process. Not exactly the simple "check if we're crazy" visit that I was expecting.  More like a "dark room with a single light in your face" visit.
Actually this is going to take a minimum of 2 hours (whhhhatt???) and will include her talking about everything under the sun from our background, how we met, our children, how we discipline them, how we were disciplined, why we want to be foster parents, who our friends are, what we would do "if" scenarios, and possibly even a tour of our home to check again and again for fire extinguishers and window sizes....(that's a short list compared to everything she mentioned)
Don't get me wrong, this shouldn't be a big deal but it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. I mean I have a government clearance for goodness sake and I've never felt like I was going to be grilled quite like this. In fact, she said the next visit will also be about 2 hours (dude!) and that they will go through a detailed questionnaire about our finances. Also not what I had expected. Sooooo... not exactly as close to the finish line as I had thought. Although she is trying to schedule the next visit for sometime next week.
Sigh...onward march.....

One step closer

Danny finished his training this weekend.  Now...all that's left is one more home visit.  Waiting to hear from our DSS contact to schedule that.  I don't think that it's anything to be concerned about...sounded like they just need to come make sure we still aren't hoarders or nuts.  :)

As a buddy of mine said "Game on!"

Where we are....and when we will be there

Just to give you a little bit of an idea of what we have done..

Paperwork:
DSS Bio (one for Danny and one for me)
Paper on what we will accept and wouldn't be able to (anything from sexual abuse and bed wetting to cleft lip and blindness)
Physical evaluation for everyone in the fam
Dog records (shots, etc)
Proof of everything...where we live, work, who we know (note: they did a big reference check), when we were married, how much money we make, everything....

Visits:
Prelim visit from DSS worker (I think to make sure we weren't crazy, going to abuse the system, or wasting their time)
Fingerprinting (Seriously...)
Home visit from DHEC (the same folks who evaluate restaurants)
Multiple visits to have the windows in the bedrooms measured (to make sure someone can get out)
Visit from the fire inspector - we had to hand an emergency plan, an extinguisher, have every single alarm checked (Gracie did NOT like that), have the temp of the hot water checked

Training:
2 full days of training - this wasn't at all what I had hoped for or expected.  More of a parenting 101 class and less "nuts and bolts" (I need facts people!).

So far, we have finished everything with the exception of the following:
Danny needs to take the Day 2 training (scheduled in early March)
We need one more home visit (not entirely clear on what this will be for)

Next steps:
My understanding is that they will write up our "case file", send it off to Columbia to review and then will likely receive a few questions back about us or potentially missing information.  Understand that Columbia takes about a month to approve a license.  So...I ask the DSS case worker "Once we are licensed, how long will it be until we get a placement?"  Answer: "Oh, well I will be able to see you are licensed before you actually get the paper in the mail.  You will have a placement the SAME DAY"

Whhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!  Kind of sad if you ask me....sad that there are that many kids and that much of a shortfall of foster parents.  :(

Looks like April will be a crazy month!!

Outting ourselves... (Longest blog ever)

We decided to start this blog after being inspired by reading other's blogs and also to "out" ourselves so to speak to family and friends alike.  Since Danny and I were married we have talked about adopting - I have several adopted cousins of various nationalities so apparently it runs in the fam.  Talk is talk though...as we grew in our marriage and started our family the urge never left us...in fact, it grew stronger.  After Caitlin was born we thought that perhaps the timing was right.  We both felt compelled to look first in the US - so we did the first thing we could think of, called Charleston County Department of Social Services (DSS).  We were very surprised at being invited to an adoption 101 orientation a few weeks later.  We went.  It was weird.  LOTS AND LOTS of paperwork and a "different" crowd of people.  There were a lot of details about a home visit and a list of criteria which we could choose to "accept" or not in a child.  It was a strange feeling knowing we would be picking and choosing which children (all of whom desperately need a forever family) will come into our home.  The home visit got us to thinking....we were considering a move and needed a bigger home.....didn't make sense to waste anyone's time quite yet.  The timing wasn't right and we knew it.  Believe God was telling us "not yet guys...not yet."
Time went on...we moved into a home we spent months overseeing the build of and got comfortable.  Still talking about adopting but not feeling that things were quite right.  Then I got pregnant with Luke; a sweet blessing to our family.  I thought child #3 would quell our thoughts of expanding our family but that didn't exactly happen.
It was weird.  Danny and I were in complete agreement about moving forward "when the time was right".  Strange though because around every corner seemed to be someone else with some tie to adoption..or more so foster care.  There was a couple on my street who adopted one of their children through the foster care system, there was a meeting at church about it, Brady's classmate had 2 foster children for bothers...it was almost like it was everywhere.  The tap on the shoulder was getting stronger.
We did attend a meeting at church - foster care 101-ish - there were 2 agencies present: DSS and the BAIR Foundation.  The BAIR foundation is more of a therapeutic agency where as DSS takes in everyone.  We were curious and went to BAIR first, after talking at length with one of the counselors, we (us and the counselor) came to the conclusion that therapeutic care wasn't the road for us.  It didn't fit in with the "ideal plan" we had.Our plan was simple: we wanted to foster a child under age 2 that didn't have any major "issues" that could pose a threat to our children.  While that may sound harsh - bringing in an older child wouldn't work for us or for our family dynamic.  As the children get older, we may reconsider but for now..we will stick to the "plan".
We stalled a few more months.  God didn't.  He wanted us to do something...we both felt it although we were pretty scared because this wasn't the route we had envisioned.
We contacted DSS and we were directed to A Heatfelt Calling - an agency that fields calls from couples interested in adoption or fostering.  We told them we were interested in adopting a child under age 2 - ANSWER: not happenin'.....um okay.....why?  There is a HUGE list (600+) of people in line to adopt that age child.  In fact, DSS won't even accept applications for adoption unless you are requesting a child 7 yr old or more.  Wow.....
Long story longer....we did some soul searching and a lot of praying.  God was trying to tell us to move on something....but what? Adoption wasn't happening and international adoption didn't seem to be a fit either (won't bore you with details but we looked into that too!).  Soooo...here we are applying to be foster parents to children two and under.

We were assigned a case worker.  She's a nice lady but it's very obvious that they are taken in a dark room somewhere, waterboarded, and told they better not give anyone the slightest bit of hope that adoption is possible in fostering.  The plan is to reunite (repeat after me..the plan is to reunite....whisper....but some become eligible for adoption and foster families can apply first).

Summary:

What we aren't doing:
We aren't saving the world.  We are not doing this to be considered "good people".  We are not doing this for attention.  We aren't kidding ourselves; this will not be easy.  We don't expect adoption (though we would consider it given the right circumstances).

What we are doing:
We are trusting that God is leading us down this path. It would be easier not to travel this route.
We are considering our biological children first - their safety, security, feelings, and "pecking order".  We are going into this understanding it will be painful and frustrating.  Eyes wide open as much as we know how.  We are asking for your prayers and support - we will need it.