Not a peep since the home study....Nada. Thought for sure we would be hounded for the last form or document. Nope. Silence. Turned in the last financial form last week. Since then we have been anxiously and nervously awaiting a response or any type of action. Praying for the children that will come into our care in the future. I can't imagine a circumstance where my kids would have to be taken from me....makes me sick that children out there don't know what they are missing and deserve (love, food!, kindness, cleanliness, comfort, routine, encouragement, etc.). So nervous for that first call....to be thrown to the sharks and learn to swim. As hard as that will be, it's likely been harder for the child we will open our home to. Unbelievable.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
The waterboarding is over
Overall, it wasn't as bad as we had thought it would be. The woman came on Sunday evening and then again last night, Tuesday. Sunday's session was the longest - a lot of interview type questions such as best and worst qualities, etc. Also plenty of questions about how we were raised and whatnot. Tuesday's session was only about an hour long and was actually the most helpful. The woman doing the home study is a contractor for DSS, though she used to be a caseworker there. This gives us the advantage of hearing the REAL deal instead of things DSS workers have to tell us. We got more nuts and bolts out of Tuesday's session than through the 2 day training sessions we were required to take.
I think we may have asked her more questions than she asked us. One thing we asked was what situation these children are typically taken from and why - the answer, neglect. "Neglect" to me is such a vague term so I asked for an example. She quickly told me there are a lot of things I probably don't want to know but provided the example when she had a case of a 4 yr old and an 18 month old being left alone for 10 days in an apartment while the mother went to Vegas. (cue: tears) So sad. So crappy. My heart cries for these kids and others with stories that you can't even make up because it is just so unnatural to "normal" moms and dads.
We also got the "down and dirty"....literally. We now have a grocery list that includes bottles of RID (lice shampoo)....lovely. Also were told that we should bring the child's belongings (if they ever have ANY...again, sad) straight upstairs to the washer and wash on high temperature immediately to kill any potential insects. She said they (the caseworkers) go into homes where these kids live and then immediately to a hotel that they have an arrangement with so they can shower and change clothes before heading home. She said the caseworkers have "go" bags of clothes in their trunk that they bring along on cases so they can just throw their other clothes away....I mean, you can't even wash (or don't want to even try) to wash away the filth.
She gave us some questions to ask in the middle of the night (or anytime really) when we get a call for a placement. Note: if you take a placement (you can say "no") then that child will likely be with you for the long haul (1-2 yrs) unless the parents get their stuff together before that....(they usually do not). She told us to ask about medical issues including allergies and any medication. She told us to ask for detailed information about why the child was removed. We are to ask if there are siblings and where they are being placed. If there are family members being considered as caregivers. So many other questions....(left my list at home)
She also said that we should look around the child's room frequently to see if they are hoarding food. This is common in neglect cases...they don't know where their next meal is coming from. Main reason to search is so we can throw away anything that is perishable while preserving their comfort in knowing they have food available. (sad) With children that were neglected, you also get kids who either don't eat much or overeat to the point of making themselves sick. The kids who don't eat much do so because their bodies have shut down that part of their system (digestive) since it was rarely in use. (think: stomach shrinking to the size of a newborn and getting full quickly) Other children eat and eat because they are used to eating as much as they can in one sitting - not knowing if there will ever be more. (sad)
It was a good meeting. A reality check in some respects and sickening in others. We did find out we need to complete one more form (shocker) and send them a copy of one more document. The home study lady should have our report completed by Friday - after that, if all of our paperwork is completed the local DSS office will review and send to Columbia for processing. Columbia is where our license will be issued - in approx 4-6 weeks.
Oh, fun fact (said in jest)....the local DSS office has a computer system that is synced with Columbia that will show if you are licensed or not. This means we could get a call for a placement prior to knowing we are actually licensed. She said early May-ish will be go time....which, based on what we have learned about DSS likely means next weekend. ;) (joking!)
Another thing to note is that we have to sign a confidentiality agreement with DSS for each child placed with us. This means no pictures (of faces) to post and no details about the child's past.
The kids are still stoked about it - B says he only wants a boy and Caitlin, of course wants a girl to stay with us. They are both so good with kids. I think Luke will be fine with anyone but will probably be a little jealous at first. He's getting to the age where everything is "mine mine mine!" so sharing will be instrumental.
I know this road isn't for everyone and a lot of people would be scared away by the heart break and the scenarios we will be facing. Honestly, after last night...I think our resolve has strengthened. It's so blatantly obvious that these kids need someone to provide them safety and love. We aren't perfect parents, we don't think we are saving the world, we don't think this will be easy, we know this is going to be rough, but we also know it's in God's hands and that we are doing the right thing. Please pray for us - we need encouragement and support more than ever. :)
From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. - Luke 12:48
I think we may have asked her more questions than she asked us. One thing we asked was what situation these children are typically taken from and why - the answer, neglect. "Neglect" to me is such a vague term so I asked for an example. She quickly told me there are a lot of things I probably don't want to know but provided the example when she had a case of a 4 yr old and an 18 month old being left alone for 10 days in an apartment while the mother went to Vegas. (cue: tears) So sad. So crappy. My heart cries for these kids and others with stories that you can't even make up because it is just so unnatural to "normal" moms and dads.
We also got the "down and dirty"....literally. We now have a grocery list that includes bottles of RID (lice shampoo)....lovely. Also were told that we should bring the child's belongings (if they ever have ANY...again, sad) straight upstairs to the washer and wash on high temperature immediately to kill any potential insects. She said they (the caseworkers) go into homes where these kids live and then immediately to a hotel that they have an arrangement with so they can shower and change clothes before heading home. She said the caseworkers have "go" bags of clothes in their trunk that they bring along on cases so they can just throw their other clothes away....I mean, you can't even wash (or don't want to even try) to wash away the filth.
She gave us some questions to ask in the middle of the night (or anytime really) when we get a call for a placement. Note: if you take a placement (you can say "no") then that child will likely be with you for the long haul (1-2 yrs) unless the parents get their stuff together before that....(they usually do not). She told us to ask about medical issues including allergies and any medication. She told us to ask for detailed information about why the child was removed. We are to ask if there are siblings and where they are being placed. If there are family members being considered as caregivers. So many other questions....(left my list at home)
She also said that we should look around the child's room frequently to see if they are hoarding food. This is common in neglect cases...they don't know where their next meal is coming from. Main reason to search is so we can throw away anything that is perishable while preserving their comfort in knowing they have food available. (sad) With children that were neglected, you also get kids who either don't eat much or overeat to the point of making themselves sick. The kids who don't eat much do so because their bodies have shut down that part of their system (digestive) since it was rarely in use. (think: stomach shrinking to the size of a newborn and getting full quickly) Other children eat and eat because they are used to eating as much as they can in one sitting - not knowing if there will ever be more. (sad)
It was a good meeting. A reality check in some respects and sickening in others. We did find out we need to complete one more form (shocker) and send them a copy of one more document. The home study lady should have our report completed by Friday - after that, if all of our paperwork is completed the local DSS office will review and send to Columbia for processing. Columbia is where our license will be issued - in approx 4-6 weeks.
Oh, fun fact (said in jest)....the local DSS office has a computer system that is synced with Columbia that will show if you are licensed or not. This means we could get a call for a placement prior to knowing we are actually licensed. She said early May-ish will be go time....which, based on what we have learned about DSS likely means next weekend. ;) (joking!)
Another thing to note is that we have to sign a confidentiality agreement with DSS for each child placed with us. This means no pictures (of faces) to post and no details about the child's past.
The kids are still stoked about it - B says he only wants a boy and Caitlin, of course wants a girl to stay with us. They are both so good with kids. I think Luke will be fine with anyone but will probably be a little jealous at first. He's getting to the age where everything is "mine mine mine!" so sharing will be instrumental.
I know this road isn't for everyone and a lot of people would be scared away by the heart break and the scenarios we will be facing. Honestly, after last night...I think our resolve has strengthened. It's so blatantly obvious that these kids need someone to provide them safety and love. We aren't perfect parents, we don't think we are saving the world, we don't think this will be easy, we know this is going to be rough, but we also know it's in God's hands and that we are doing the right thing. Please pray for us - we need encouragement and support more than ever. :)
From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. - Luke 12:48
Thursday, March 13, 2014
So....two hours huh?
Just got a call from a weird number...I don't answer those often and today was no exception. Checked my voicemail and it was a woman from DSS named April who was calling to do our home visit. "Okay" I thought, "no problem"..our DSS worker had told us this was kind of a technicality and I didn't think much of it.... Until I called her back.... April is a very bubbly woman who had a lot to say. I got the short story about her entire family life in the first 2 minutes. After finding out that she works mainly at night doing home visits for DSS , she told me she'd like to go ahead and schedule the first of TWO visits. We scheduled for Sunday afternoon.
Before we hung up, I quickly asked her if she could give me an idea of what the visit would entail. That's when she told me!
I have always heard people talk about "home studies" for adoption, and it's always seemed very complicated and deep. Turns out this is the same process. Not exactly the simple "check if we're crazy" visit that I was expecting. More like a "dark room with a single light in your face" visit.
Actually this is going to take a minimum of 2 hours (whhhhatt???) and will include her talking about everything under the sun from our background, how we met, our children, how we discipline them, how we were disciplined, why we want to be foster parents, who our friends are, what we would do "if" scenarios, and possibly even a tour of our home to check again and again for fire extinguishers and window sizes....(that's a short list compared to everything she mentioned)
Don't get me wrong, this shouldn't be a big deal but it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. I mean I have a government clearance for goodness sake and I've never felt like I was going to be grilled quite like this. In fact, she said the next visit will also be about 2 hours (dude!) and that they will go through a detailed questionnaire about our finances. Also not what I had expected. Sooooo... not exactly as close to the finish line as I had thought. Although she is trying to schedule the next visit for sometime next week.
Sigh...onward march.....
Before we hung up, I quickly asked her if she could give me an idea of what the visit would entail. That's when she told me!
I have always heard people talk about "home studies" for adoption, and it's always seemed very complicated and deep. Turns out this is the same process. Not exactly the simple "check if we're crazy" visit that I was expecting. More like a "dark room with a single light in your face" visit.
Actually this is going to take a minimum of 2 hours (whhhhatt???) and will include her talking about everything under the sun from our background, how we met, our children, how we discipline them, how we were disciplined, why we want to be foster parents, who our friends are, what we would do "if" scenarios, and possibly even a tour of our home to check again and again for fire extinguishers and window sizes....(that's a short list compared to everything she mentioned)
Don't get me wrong, this shouldn't be a big deal but it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. I mean I have a government clearance for goodness sake and I've never felt like I was going to be grilled quite like this. In fact, she said the next visit will also be about 2 hours (dude!) and that they will go through a detailed questionnaire about our finances. Also not what I had expected. Sooooo... not exactly as close to the finish line as I had thought. Although she is trying to schedule the next visit for sometime next week.
Sigh...onward march.....
Monday, March 10, 2014
One step closer
Danny finished his training this weekend. Now...all that's left is one more home visit. Waiting to hear from our DSS contact to schedule that. I don't think that it's anything to be concerned about...sounded like they just need to come make sure we still aren't hoarders or nuts. :)
As a buddy of mine said "Game on!"
As a buddy of mine said "Game on!"
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