The little big things....

The past 6 weeks have been some of the hardest I’ve ever had…..  she’s amazing, this little girl with chubby cheeks, good manners, a high level of intelligence, and a tendency to throw some of the biggest tantrums I have ever seen.  Adjusting to her has not been easy.  We knew it would be “different” and “throw off our dynamic” but I don’t think we expected it to be quite this draining.

Imagine having a strange 2 yr old dropped off at your home and not knowing when she will leave.  Even though we were somewhat prepared…it didn’t change the fact that we weren’t really prepared.  There’s something uncomfortable about hugging a stranger, changing a strange child’s diaper, finding the right place in your home for them.  It’s hard – you don’t instantly love them; despite wanting to so badly.  These are the challenges.  Not resenting her for screaming her little brains out first thing in the morning, sometimes at night, and then randomly when all you asked her to do was to put a shoe on.  She can scream for an hour – and she has.  It’s hard parenting a child that is naïve to your parenting “ways” – it’s like trying to get a newborn to sleep through the night.  We practice a touch of tough love because we know it’s in her best interest.

Things have gotten better.  Her and baby Luke did NOT get along for 5 of the 6 weeks.  It was a constant battle between them – constant.  Now they run around like maniacs together and push each other in the baby doll stroller.  They still have it out from time to time…but it’s better.  Caitlin, bless her heart, has taking this little one under her wing and into her bedroom.  She talks to her before they go to sleep, sometimes helps her get comfortable, and has even been known to pull her out of the crib so she can go potty.  She’s not crying as much.  I think she is adjusting; knowing we won’t come running every time she throws a massive, knock-down, drag out, kick the wall fit.  We know when she needs a hugs vice when she needs to be left alone to get it together.

It’s been hard on me.  A lot of adjustments.  A lot of questioning if this is the right path.  I know we are doing God’s work – she is supposed to be with us (for now).  We are helping her heal and cross over to her real family who supposedly wants her forever.  I pray that’s true.  I pray that they are ready for this little one and will raise her like the princess she deserves to be.  Part of me wonders if she will remember us when she leaves – or if she will just move on.  Most of me hopes she doesn’t – I hope that she forgets why she was taken from her Mom and Dad and forgets that there were 2 families that fostered her before us (1 mo each).  I hope she forgets this transitional time with us and grows into a God-fearing young woman who kicks ass and is super successful.

She will probably be with us for another 5+ months.  As crazy as this has been – we are making the right choice.  She needs us.  She prays now at dinner and asks to pray at bedtime.  We pray for her family and for her.  The little things (or not so little?) like that make it worth the struggles.  

“Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more.”  Luke 12:48