Quick (crazy) update

2 court appearances this week.  1st one was continued and the 2nd brought to light that DSS has done absolutely NOTHING they were supposed to do for the past FIVE months.  Two very important things they were supposed to do in MAY were just done TWO WEEKS AGO.  She's "stuck in the system" and the judge seemed to realize this.  Trial was ordered for this coming Thursday....hopefully she will be taken out of foster care and placed with her family (not parents).  That would be the best for her.  All depends on the judge and if they decide to override all of the red tape/paperwork that should have been done months ago.  SHAME on them....all at the expense of this little girl.  It's been very interesting seeing things from this prospective.  You hear about things like this but now I can put a face on it (hers) and it makes me so angry.  She shouldn't be with us....not with her parents either....but with family who are competent to care and love her.  It sounds weird to say that I hope she leaves next week...but it would be best for her and we know that.
Oh, also found out we were her FOURTH home in 5 mos (with us for 2 now).  Nice, right?...sigh.

No news really IS good news...kinda

So we are supposed to have a monthly visit from DSS and baby girl's guardian ad litem (a volunteer that acts as her advocate...what's best for the child...in court).  Have we heard from them?   Nah..that would be way too predictable and timely.   Two weeks late for last month's visit.  No news..no updates. ..
Instead we get a call from DSS today asking if we have received any court notice in the mail.  Nope.  Haven't.   Wait...should we have? ? 
Dad filed a motion.  Court on Monday afternoon.   Future is uncertain but it's likely she will stay with us.  Depends on judge 100%. 
On top of that. ..mom and dad are both coming for back to back visits monday before court.   They supposedly hate each other. ..lovely.   Monday night/Tuesday morning will stink.  I can promise a confused,  angry little girl who misses those "people".....and who will be kicking and screaming to showcase her will to be with them.
I'm going to court so I can get a better idea on what's happening.  It's suggested and I am very curious.   I'm a little nervous although they won't know who I am or talk to me. 

The little big things....

The past 6 weeks have been some of the hardest I’ve ever had…..  she’s amazing, this little girl with chubby cheeks, good manners, a high level of intelligence, and a tendency to throw some of the biggest tantrums I have ever seen.  Adjusting to her has not been easy.  We knew it would be “different” and “throw off our dynamic” but I don’t think we expected it to be quite this draining.

Imagine having a strange 2 yr old dropped off at your home and not knowing when she will leave.  Even though we were somewhat prepared…it didn’t change the fact that we weren’t really prepared.  There’s something uncomfortable about hugging a stranger, changing a strange child’s diaper, finding the right place in your home for them.  It’s hard – you don’t instantly love them; despite wanting to so badly.  These are the challenges.  Not resenting her for screaming her little brains out first thing in the morning, sometimes at night, and then randomly when all you asked her to do was to put a shoe on.  She can scream for an hour – and she has.  It’s hard parenting a child that is naïve to your parenting “ways” – it’s like trying to get a newborn to sleep through the night.  We practice a touch of tough love because we know it’s in her best interest.

Things have gotten better.  Her and baby Luke did NOT get along for 5 of the 6 weeks.  It was a constant battle between them – constant.  Now they run around like maniacs together and push each other in the baby doll stroller.  They still have it out from time to time…but it’s better.  Caitlin, bless her heart, has taking this little one under her wing and into her bedroom.  She talks to her before they go to sleep, sometimes helps her get comfortable, and has even been known to pull her out of the crib so she can go potty.  She’s not crying as much.  I think she is adjusting; knowing we won’t come running every time she throws a massive, knock-down, drag out, kick the wall fit.  We know when she needs a hugs vice when she needs to be left alone to get it together.

It’s been hard on me.  A lot of adjustments.  A lot of questioning if this is the right path.  I know we are doing God’s work – she is supposed to be with us (for now).  We are helping her heal and cross over to her real family who supposedly wants her forever.  I pray that’s true.  I pray that they are ready for this little one and will raise her like the princess she deserves to be.  Part of me wonders if she will remember us when she leaves – or if she will just move on.  Most of me hopes she doesn’t – I hope that she forgets why she was taken from her Mom and Dad and forgets that there were 2 families that fostered her before us (1 mo each).  I hope she forgets this transitional time with us and grows into a God-fearing young woman who kicks ass and is super successful.

She will probably be with us for another 5+ months.  As crazy as this has been – we are making the right choice.  She needs us.  She prays now at dinner and asks to pray at bedtime.  We pray for her family and for her.  The little things (or not so little?) like that make it worth the struggles.  

“Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more.”  Luke 12:48

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She breaks my heart.  Screaming; no wailing at night. ..at bedtime, at nap, at 4a.m....sometimes noticeably in her sleep while others just wanting to be heard.  We can't shut the door....that's a trigger of complete panic. ...can't help but wonder why.  It's awful...hard to take...hard to live and hard to not react wrongfully. ...she's ours for now and she is safe...hopefully she will understand that soon.  Pray for her :)

Dealing

We got the call about 2 1/2 weeks ago and we've been in a bit of a tailspin since then.  2+ months in care and we would be her THIRD foster home.  Labeled "clingy"...enter a polite, shy, and very intelligent 2 1/2 yr old girl.  She has 2 sets of grand parents working thru the process to get her.   If they lived in SC it would be easy but since they dont and seeing as how our govt likes to create mounds of regulations and paperwork. .it will likely be 6 mos until they place her permanently.   It's a shame since she is at such an important age for making bonds and memories.   She's had one visit with them...for 1 hr supervised in the dss office.  Imagine driving to visit someone you love dearly (I hope) and never harmed to have your reubion be treated like a prison visit. 

Baby 1...almost

We got the call.  Yesterday around 3, DSS called us and said "Are you ready?  We have your first placement....a 7 mo old little girl."  "okay" I said ("HOLY CRAP" I thought).  "She's African American, is that okay?"  This one caught me off guard.  I guess people say "Nah, was hoping for a white baby to take care of." Strange.  "Yes, that's fine" I said.  
DSS said she will need to be dropped off that afternoon.  Yikes.  Panic quickly ensued....well, not really....I was driving 3 kids to the dentist so panic had been ongoing since I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pin Luke down in the chair while discussing the oral hygiene of all 3 children with a dental assistant..in heels.  I quickly got myself together and then again quickly freaked out when I realized my long, tediously typed and well thought out list of questions to ask would not support a conversation being made on a dangerous highway.  I remembered a few questions "Can you tell me the history of the child", "Can you tell me if there are any known medical issues", "Are there any siblings / where are they?", "Why was the child taken from the home", etc...  I tried my best to jot down the answers with a sharpie on the back of a receipt (note:  clean out purse) that I had in my reach.  I told the social worker I would call back after speaking with Danny.  I filled Danny in on the background - it was a unique situation but the baby was healthy and happy from what we understood.  No idea how long the child would be with us.  (You have to assume a long stay - which is why the questions are vital.)
After a few back and forth texts (in between checking kids in, prying them off of the video games in the office, and playing musical chairs with the dental chairs), we decided it was a go.  I mean...why wouldn't it be?  We signed up for this.  More freaking out - needed to secure clothes and reminded myself that we probably wouldn't want to have any of baby girl's belongings in the house and that she will need a bath ASAP (just because you never know where they were and what the conditions were like).  What size diaper does a 7 mo old wear?  What formula do we get?  Where will she go to daycare?  How do I make that happen?  Called DSS back and left a message saying we were ready and asked about formula, daycare, and belongings.  We waited and imagined every single circumstance possible with baby girl - it's kind of impossible not to.
De ja vous.... radio silence.  We heard nothing from them for 2+ hrs.  Then, they call back at 6PM to let us know the courts had reconsidered and determined the home was safe for baby girl.  The story was kind of a strange one but overall it sounded like it was going to be a safe place for baby girl.  Was a good drill for us.  A little more numb to the whole situation and a lot more prepared.  
As an aside:  the kids were stoked about everything.  Arguing over whose room the baby should sleep in.  Love those kiddies.  
More to come....

My oh My....

We are licensed!  Eeeekkk!  Just called to check in & found out we were licensed on 6/24.  Game on.